written by Kate Danvers

SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT

I can’t even.

Central City, December 24th, 1992. A younger Martin Stein is shopping for a Hanukkah present for Lily, but there’s only one of the popular children’s toy left and he’s got to fight Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad for it. He pulls off some archery which is way more impressive than anything on Arrow because he gets some distance with a toy bow, and snags the last toy. While running from an angry mob, he gets transported through time and is suddenly in the woods being chased by barbarians. I’ve worked retail at Christmas, Marty. You’re better off with the barbarians.

Leo is…kind of fitting in on the Waverider? He’s decided to tag along with the Legends to help them through their grief. By “help” I mean eliminating all the alcohol on the ship for forty-eight hours, counseling, and puppets. What is…what am I watching? OH GOOD, timequake. A level 12 anachronism has appeared in Vinland in the year 1000. The result: North America is now New Valhalla. Leif Eriksson decided to stick around, set up colonies, and conquer the New World. Oh no! We have to save North America from being colonized by a brutal group of killers five hundred years before it’s colonized by a brutal group of killers!

…wait, whose side are we on?

The Legends spy on Leif’s camp and overhear his sister mention a “blue god”, but they also find Young Marty hanging in a net. Jax runs to Marty’s rescue, cutting down the young professor who’s grateful as he “almost died”. Awkward silence. The vikings are upset about the escape of “the Four-Eyed Man”, but they still have their god…

Nope. I’m done. I quit. I can handle body switching, flying bicycles, and George Lucas, but I refuse to review an episode where a Tickle Me ElmoCuddle Me Beebo changes all of history by leading the vikings to conquer North America. NO. I’m drawing the line in the sand! FREEDOM!!

I’m back. They locked me in a room with a computer. They say I have to write the review. Also they took my shoes. Why did they take my shoes? They’re flats. Okay, so Beebo hungers for battle. That’s uh…cute? Funny? That’s a thing.

On the ship, Marty tells them that Leif’s sister Freydis Eriksdottir has been interpreting the cuddly ramblings of the plush Beebo to incite the other vikings into conquest. Marty’s presence on the ship is awkward for the Legends, especially when he asks where his older self is. Jax wants to warn him about his death in 2017, but the others worry about the effect that will have on their own pasts. Agent Sharpe calls to express her condolences about Stein, but also to inquire about the anachronism. She’s says the Legends fixing it under normal circumstances would be a Beebo Day miracle.

Wow, that is a heavy-duty lock on my door.

Sara asks for Sharpe’s help and they infiltrate the camp, but Mick is quickly caught trying to steal booze from Beebo’s shrine. We also discover that Sharpe isn’t the type to have a husband, which gets an intrigued look from Sara. Are we really doing this? I was half-joking the other times I predicted a hookup for these two. Beebo ships it. Beebo also sentences Mick to death! Or says he’s hungry, which Freydis interprets as a death sentence….eh, Beebo hungers for death. Leo saves Mick from being thrown into the fire by extinguishing it and the Legends try to pass it off as a sign that Beebo has shown mercy…but then Nate and Amaya get caught trying to steal Beebo from the camp. BEEBO IS NOT MERCIFUL!

Back on the Waverider, Zari tries to distract Jax by kicking his ass at Mortal Kombat II. I only specifically mention that because I find it funny that Jax is playing as Jax. Zari encourages Jax to find a loophole that might save Marty. Jax takes Marty back to 1992 and tries to give him a letter to only be opened on November 28th, 2017. Marty tells him he’s seen Back To the Future, so he gets the reference. He reluctantly takes the letter.

The Legends play a game of football with the vikings using Beebo. Beebo is displeased. Beebo will have his wrath. It’s ended when Mick torches Beebo and the vikings dismiss their blue lord as a false god. Heresy! Well, that one was wrapped up before it got too Legends’d up. But wait! The Darhks show up, claiming to be gods. The Legends, seeing that they’re outmatched, retreat back to the Waverider.

Leo confesses to Mick that part of the reason he came along was because he’s not over the death of his best friend – Earth-X Mick Rory. He thought they could all work through their pain together. The two argue and Leo says he’ll go back to Earth-X at the earliest opportunity. Sharpe tries to call the Time Bureau for backup, but they’re in disarray both from Rip being sentenced to prison and Darhk’s further manipulation of the timeline. She’s recalled to the Bureau, refusing Sara’s pleas for her to stay. Hey, if they get married and Sharpe takes Sara’s name, would that make her Ava Lance? Ava Lance! Avalanche! Geddit?! Oh god, “Avalance” is probably the shipper name. BEEBO DISAPPROVES OF SHIPPER HASHTAGS! #BeeboWillRiseAgain

Sara tries to send the rest of the Legends away with the Waverider while she deals with Darhk. We’re shown a couple of scenarios of different plans to stop Darhk, with the real one having Sara be taken to see Darhk by Zari and Nate posing as vikings. Meanwhile, Ray distracts the other vikings by flying around inside Beebo, trying to convince Leif that he should return to Greenland. Also, science, evolution, and global warming are real. Can you stop by 2017 Washington D.C. next, Ray? Nora tries to stop this but Mick and Leo use the kickback from crossing the streams of their guns to either knock out or kill Nora (it’s unclear). Darhk runs to her and tries to use one of the magic time thingies to flee, but Sara hops on like a badass and gets pulled into another dimension where she hears Mallus’ voice. She’s pulled out by Sharpe, who declares it a “Christmas miracle”.

SARA: “Yass!”

No, really. Gideon checks Sara out and there are no side effects from whatever happened to her. At the mention of Mallus, Sharpe realizes Rip was right to be so paranoid and returns to the Time Bureau, not worried about any punishment for defying orders because saving Sara was worth it. Yeeeeeeep.

However, time is back on track. All of it, including Stein’s death. Jax goes back to 1992 to deliver a Beebo to little Lily and to ask Marty why he didn’t heed the warning. Marty burned the letter because he realized that by the time of his death, he would have lived a long and full life. He doesn’t want to prolong his life; he wants Jax to live his and move on. Jax says a final goodbye to Marty and returns to the Waverider. He tells Sara that he’s quitting the team and leaving the Waverider to live his life. He tries to sneak out quietly, but the Legends throw him a goodbye party in the form of a holiday party. Jax gives a heartfelt speech about the Legends being a family. Leo apologizes to Mick for trying to change him and the two seem to become friends.

Sara sees Jax off, but when she returns to the ship she’s greeted in the cargo bay by a British man in a long coat. No, not Rip; it’s John Constantine calling in a favor. A demon is possessing a little girl, and the demon knows Sara’s name.

This episode is silly, heartwarming, and bittersweet. The Beebo plot is just nonsense, but it’s enjoyable nonsense. The show is at its best when it leans into the crazy and this episode leans in all the way. But they were smart about it. They knew that emotions would still be raw after Stein’s death last episode and they let the Legends and the fans process that alongside the goofy plush toy plot. That could have resulted in an episode which was all over the place, but it actually meshed together well.

As expected, the one hardest hit by Stein’s loss was Jax. He lost a friend, teammate, partner, and father figure. There’s a real gut punch in the episode when he reminds the Legends that he and Stein had a psychic connection for three years. In a mental, emotional, and even physical sense, he’s lost a part of himself. It’s natural for him to try to get back someone who was that close to him. We already got a goodbye between the two during Stein’s death scene, but Jax’s conversation with Marty in 1992 was also touching. Graeme McComb is great as the young Stein and his words really rang true as something the elder Stein would have said to Jax.

I’m disappointed that Jax is leaving. I really love the character and Franz Drameh has been doing incredibly with what he’s been given lately. I hope he comes back soon, whether it’s as Firestorm or just Jax. Firestorm was just a special effect who popped up in pretty awesome action scenes, but it was the characters brought to life by Franz Drameh and Victor Garber that I’m going to miss the most. Goodbye, gentlemen. Your work on the show was “astonishing”.

Oddly, it seems like Leo is going to be sticking around. I’m okay with that because I’ve missed Leonard and especially Wentworth Miller. Also, it seems like we’re getting Constantine for at least one episode. I only saw a couple of episodes of the short-lived NBC series Constantine, but Matt Ryan’s portrayal of the character was great. Looking forward to seeing more of that.

Next time: spooky stuff! Wait, the next episode is in February?? Um…that’s a long break. Can I be let out of this room now? Hello?

Legends Of Tomorrow airs Tuesdays on the CW at 9 ET/8 CT. Kate can be reached on Twitter @WearyKatie.